It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
