When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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