he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
