That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
