I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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