I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
