You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
