I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
We are all done wearing pants today
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
