I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
