If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I just want to make out with him forever
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
