I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Randomize
