I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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