Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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