If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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