Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
