I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Randomize
