carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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