i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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