Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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