Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
