I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
she looked like the before picture.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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