Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
