Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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