So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
