Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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