so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
