OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
