Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
