There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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