Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
