I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
