You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
third nipple confirmed
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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