you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
