Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
vagina is talking i cant
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
