the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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