Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
