Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
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