at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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