Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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