No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
