I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
