finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
