So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
