That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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