there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
