...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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