yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
