i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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