Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
