So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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