my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
