you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
