I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I cockslap morals
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
